This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
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I try to plan my life by making short term, intermediate and long term goals. Then I develop a plan to achieve those goals. But, not everything goes as planned. There is only so much that is in our control, even for those of us who like to control all aspects of our life.
Last October, I planned for 2018 to be the year that I accomplish some major goals. In particular, I planned to be complete with my dissertation and to have my doctorate degree conferred. Well, in late October 2017, I tossed out of of my research and writing I had completed and proposed to complete an entirely new research study. So back to the "drawing board". The new study was more aligned with my position, at that time. I planned to remain in that position (which I started August 2017) for at least three years before I search for another position, although the hiring manager stated (during the offer) she knew I would leave in a year. She was adamant that I was way to advanced for the position in which I applied and I accepted, but she wanted me on her team anyway. She wanted someone STRONG who would help give the team the boost they needed. Clearly, she had plans for me that I did not foresee. Well, she was correct, I stayed in that position for 1 year and transitioned into a new position August 2018. Last October, I did not plan to change positions so fast, but the change was very much needed. I also did not plan to be married this year. BUT, I am married...and I am glad I married the man who best fits me. I married my best friend, my confidant, my protector and my biggest supporter. I did not plan a wedding ceremony, because I wanted to keep our vow exchange very intimate and private. And that it was! 4/4/18 The point of it all: In life, not everything will go as planned and not all GREAT things have to be planned.
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Let's face it - most people do not "grow" out of their character. Most people do not complete a full 180 in a lifetime. Instead they do a 360 and go right back to who they always were.
Some of us grew up with parents and relatives that were: petty, manipulative, two-faced, habitual liars, sluts, whores, and so on. It was a norm for us until we learned differently. Yet, some of us took on theses characteristics and others despise them and strive to do better. I say all of this to say: NO ONE grows too old to be who they are. Whores will be whores, just as habitual liars will continue to be habitual liars. Change comes will acceptance of ones flaws, acknowledgement of ones flaws, desire to change, and action! So let go of the phrase, "Isn't he/she old to still act like that" followed by "I thought he/she would have grown out of that by now". There are people that will compete with you and you are not aware that there is a competition going on.
How can you compete in a race you never began? How can you compete in a race that you have already completed and moved on from? It's comical when comparisons are made between people that are NOT COMPARABLE. When they can't beat you NOR join you - they will make up their own competition. And their supporters will cheer them on. I do not compete with any one - never have and never will. I set my own personal goals. I have always set out to accomplish things others say are impossible. I defy odds and set bars. There are a lot of terms that are interchanged - but do not mean the same.
Phony = Being polite. Example: Telling everyone that a baby is awkward looking but telling the parents - "Aww she is so cute" Blunt = Shady Example: "I do not care to be around Stacy because she is negative". Honest = Hating/Jealous Example: "He is not attractive, to me." If you are "being polite" and you make a statement opposite of your belief - YOU ARE A LIAR. One can not be blunt and shady, at the same time. The shady person is usually the one that reads into the blunt person's statement. Lastly, everyone's opinion of people, places or things are NOT the same. Just because someone doesn't like someone or something the same as you - does not mean they are hating or jealous. You only live once and you can't please everybody while you are here. So why even try? I say to hell with those that don't appreciate you within your time and to hell with those that are too hard to please. If you spend your life trying to please and make everyone else happy - who will please you?
By no means am I suggesting that you should be selfish or self-centered. All I am saying is do not waste time altering who you are to please others. Yes, we all have things we can improve, but unless you have an unhealthy habit or cause harm to others - do not change who you are to please others. Surround yourself with people that can understand who you are and support you - as you are. I be damned if I spend my only life trying to please others. I believe Y.O.L.O. so, DO YOU! So, I recently had a conversation with a loved one who told me that I would be a better person if I learned how to not hold grudges against people that have wronged me. I informed my love one that I do not hold grudges, I just remember. I remember what a person has said and done and I make sure I do not put myself in the position to allow that to be said or done to me again.
That is not a grudge - it's more like self-protection. I have never been able to understand how people forgive and forget so fast. They continue to be mistreated and fall victim to the same person(s), time and time again. I most definitely can and will forgive those that apologize for their wrongdoings AND I never forget what s/he is capable of doing again. You can fool me once - but the second time I am just the fool. I do not play the role of Fool very well, so I simply remember. The definitions for both terms as defined by Dictionary.com are below. grudge noun
verb
When I was in my dating phase a few years ago, I ran across two guys that lived in two different states who happened to have the same logic of being a "hot commodity" on the dating market. Both of these men explained to me that they were a "hot commodity". They both were single black men who obtained a college education, gainfully employed, had no kids, never been married, did not live with their parents and had their own dependable ride.
I was very puzzled the first time I heard this explanation of how this labeled him as a "hot commodity". I thought all of these were characteristics and/or accomplishments of a grown ass man. I expressed that and was informed that it is not the characteristics and/or accomplishments of the average black man. So this, in turn made him a "hot commodity". By the second time I heard this, with the exact same explanation, I had to ask the second guy where he obtained this information. I asked was there a group for black males where this information was being shared. He laughed and told me "No, it's just known that the average black man does not have these qualities". Needless to say,over five years later, these two hot commodities are still sitting on the shelf with all of their qualities/characteristics/accomplishments. They are both still single black males who are educated, gainfully employed, have no kids, never been married, do not live with their parents (although one has a male roommate), and have a dependable ride. I think it's time they check their shelf life because a hot commodity doesn't stay on the shelf very long. Time is something that we can never regain. So I personally hate to have wasted time.
I feel as though my time is wasted when I invest in people and things that are counterproductive. I do not give my time to people that are negative, manipulative, deceitful, or purposefully petty. As each day, each month, each year passes by, I try to assure that I continue to invest my time appropriately. Even if it means cutting some people out. I also let go of unproductive activities. As I grow older, I improve my list of priorities. My goal is to eliminate all wasted time. Karma; Reap what you Sow; Payback
Which ever you call it...If you live long enough, things have a way of coming full circle. I try my best to avoid negative, messy, sneaky and/or manipulative people. Some people thrive off of those characteristics. They even BRAG about it! It never seems to work out in the end, though. God has a way of redirecting those that spend to much time on being negative, messy, sneaky and/or manipulative. It seems like something is always happening to them but they just can not figure out why. Then they change for a few days and expect an overflow of blessings. GTFOH! God doesn't bless a mess...even when you try to add his name to it. That includes these messy, fraudulent marriages, but I will save that for another day/post. All too often we get comfortable in our relationships. We gain joint responsibilities while still taking care of our individual needs. Some of us have kids, parents, other family members and/or friends that we maintain close relationships with. This requires balancing your time and commitment to all parties. At times our mate is left to sacrifice our time and commitment AND required to be understanding.
Don't forget to "keep it going" in your relationship. Keep doing things you did in the beginning of the relationship. Make sure you have at least 1 date night per week or monthly (if your time is limited). As much as you need some "you time", your relationships requires some "we time" as well. Outside of your kids, family, friends, work, etc. In my opinion Your mate should be in the top 3 of your priority list. For example my human priority list sits like this: 1. Self, 2. Kids, and 3. Mate... EVERYONE else is down the line somewhere. Once my kids are grown, numbers 2 and 3 will flip on my human priority list. How does your human priority list stack up? |
AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
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