This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
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![]() If you keep doing the same thing over and over - then you should expect the same results. There is nothing like taking a breath of fresh air. My man once told me that dating me was like a "breath of fresh air". He's not a man of many words and when he does speak - it's usually his truth. It took me a minute to understand what he meant by the phrase. He doesn't speak on past relationships but his actions and expectations of a "woman" spoke volumes in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, it didn't take long for me to realize that he was my breath of fresh air, as well. You see, we often become accustomed to how people treat us in relationships. We tend to think that "this" is what all relationships are like. Sometimes we select the same person over and over again, in a different body. We began to expect certain behavior(s) from our partner. Then, if you're lucky enough, this person comes along and opens your eyes to a different type of behavior. All men are not the same, neither are women. And when you get that "breath of fresh air" , then you know it's real.
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When I was in my dating phase a few years ago, I ran across two guys that lived in two different states who happened to have the same logic of being a "hot commodity" on the dating market. Both of these men explained to me that they were a "hot commodity". They both were single black men who obtained a college education, gainfully employed, had no kids, never been married, did not live with their parents and had their own dependable ride.
I was very puzzled the first time I heard this explanation of how this labeled him as a "hot commodity". I thought all of these were characteristics and/or accomplishments of a grown ass man. I expressed that and was informed that it is not the characteristics and/or accomplishments of the average black man. So this, in turn made him a "hot commodity". By the second time I heard this, with the exact same explanation, I had to ask the second guy where he obtained this information. I asked was there a group for black males where this information was being shared. He laughed and told me "No, it's just known that the average black man does not have these qualities". Needless to say,over five years later, these two hot commodities are still sitting on the shelf with all of their qualities/characteristics/accomplishments. They are both still single black males who are educated, gainfully employed, have no kids, never been married, do not live with their parents (although one has a male roommate), and have a dependable ride. I think it's time they check their shelf life because a hot commodity doesn't stay on the shelf very long. ![]() Sooooo.... Often times, people like to add God to the equation after the mess is made. Some like to say "God will not send you some one else's husband". Well, he also will not allow you to keep someone that he did not intend for you. I have never understood how God keeps sending some people multiple spouses. Maybe, just maybe - he is not sending every mate you get along with for a year (or more) to be your spouse. Some people are seasonal people - but you try to hold on to them for a lifetime. ![]() I think one of the biggest problems in (some) relationships is when one or both of the mates compare their relationship to other couple's relationships. What works for them, may not work for YOU! I see statuses and references to other couples with the hashtag #relationshipgoals. Hell, NO couple's relationship is my goal. Not Bey and Jay; not Kim and Ye, not Will and Jada, not Michelle and Barack and definitely not Ike and Tina. My point is, I know what I want and need as a person. It took me a while to truly understand that. I had to first discover who I was and what I am willing to put into a relationship. I am not about compromising myself or trying to CONVINCE my mate to compromise for me. I am not about, changing someone to be the mate I want or need them to be. I don't hide who I am and I acknowledge my flaws and my "works in progress". Here's my unsolicited advice: Get to know you first. Your needs, your wants and what you are willing to put into a relationship. Stop conforming to every mate you meet - just to make it work. The first sign of "the same ole' shit" - RUN! You really do have options. They may be limited, but it should be that way. Everyone is NOT meant to be your lifelong mate. Every mate is not your husband/wife. The image in this post is from: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/habits-of-happy-couples All too often we get comfortable in our relationships. We gain joint responsibilities while still taking care of our individual needs. Some of us have kids, parents, other family members and/or friends that we maintain close relationships with. This requires balancing your time and commitment to all parties. At times our mate is left to sacrifice our time and commitment AND required to be understanding.
Don't forget to "keep it going" in your relationship. Keep doing things you did in the beginning of the relationship. Make sure you have at least 1 date night per week or monthly (if your time is limited). As much as you need some "you time", your relationships requires some "we time" as well. Outside of your kids, family, friends, work, etc. In my opinion Your mate should be in the top 3 of your priority list. For example my human priority list sits like this: 1. Self, 2. Kids, and 3. Mate... EVERYONE else is down the line somewhere. Once my kids are grown, numbers 2 and 3 will flip on my human priority list. How does your human priority list stack up? Soooo.... there are people willing to cheat with a man or a woman as long as their spouse or significant other doesn't know of the cheating. They will spend time, be intimate, give and accept money from this person. They may even tell their friends and family about the person and even bring them around. It's their little "unkept secret." They are sharing the "D" and have no complaints as long as they are satisfied.
But people are less willing to enter this situation if the spouse or significant other is already aware. I have a motto. If you share the "D", share the bills. If you're a female sharing his time and his "D", you may as well link up and save some money. Males you aren't excluded. If you're a male and you are sharing the "poo nanny", you may as well link up and save some money. Disclaimer: Everybody wear protection! It's 2017 and it still amazes people when a person cheats on their spouse or significant other.... "Oh no, not them... they were my favorite couple"; "They look so perfect" - Those are often the statements you hear from those that still believe. You will hear "I knew he wasn't shit"; Or "Once a cheater, always a cheater" or "She only wanted him for his money" from the negative naysayers.
What amazes me is how many people have been a side piece themselves yet cast stones at others. What also amazes me is that people don't think their mom or dad was ever a side piece. I guess their spouse or significant other has never cheated (once). Remember: "Once a cheater, always a cheater". What doesn't amaze me is that men and women still choose to be a side piece. Not having to deal with the headache of a relationship. Having the freedom to do as they like and not having to answer to some one all the time. There are benefits to that title. Then there is this category of cheating spouses. When the spouse keeps/needs a side piece to keep their marriage in tact. Hell, sometimes, they both have one! ![]() When you know your role, then play your damn position! Playing the right position is important for any team to be successful. When you choose to become a part of a "roster", then play your role. When you sign up for side piece duties but try to fill the role of the main dish, it usually doesn't turn out great for any party involved. Being a side piece is usually a choice. I know some are tricked/fooled/bamboozled - but not to often. So to all side pieces (male and female) play your position, unless the leading role is open or offered to you. Side note: Not all side pieces want to be the main squeeze. But, that's another topic for another day. So many people get upset when they can't have more out of a relationship, YET they have never received what they were looking for in that relationship, from the beginning until now.
Some people (in bad relationships) hold on to "situationships" way to long. They like to say things like: "We made it X number of years!", "It's US against Everybody", "He is my HUUUSBAND", "She really is a good person, when you get to know her", or "He/she has soooo much potential, if he/she would just..." These statements come with years of unhappiness. If you choose to sit around and wait on another person to give you what you deserve or to get themselves together to be better for you; then just remember that's the shit you chose to sit in. Disclaimer: If you're happy and you know it. You are not Some people (in bad relationships). There are blogs, social media posts, articles and even sermons on women waiting for BOAZ.
But, my question is - Are you anything like Ruth? Do you know the reason why Boaz showed Ruth favor? Well let's just say it wasn't because she was sooooo beautiful that he couldn't help but desire her to be by his side/his wife.... Read the story directly from the Bible. Don't add you spins and twists to it! Ruth was a foreign woman to Boaz... So foreign that he "noticed" her working in his fields and inquired about her. Once he was informed of her loyalty to her mother-in-law (his relative), he THEN instructed his men to give her "favor" by allowing her to work in the field more. Ruth later OFFERED herself to him and he inclined her OFFER. Oh, by the way that offer came with "her laying at his feet". Their marriage revived her ex-husband's (Boaz's relative) lineage. Sooooooo, the next time you waiting on your BOAZ to "find" you - make sure you are RUTHlike... Be willing to be married more than once, be loyal to your in-laws, offer yourself to your ex-husband's relative and marry him. Moral to the story: BOAZ didn't "find" Ruth...because he wasn't looking for her. He saw a strange woman working in his fields, inquired about her, gave her favor for her being loyal to his relative and then accepted her offer to marry. |
AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
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