This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
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My youngest child turned 18 years old on yesterday. Lord knows I have looked forward to the day that I could say "We made it!" I can recall when I prayed to God on several occasions - to just let me make it. Allow me to live long enough to where my youngest turns 18 and I do not have to worry about my kids possibly being separated into different households. It was very important to me that I raised them in one household, together. I always wanted to make sure they had a connection and bond with each other, no matter where live takes them in the future. So when yesterday arrived, I was excited beyond measure - because "WE MADE IT!".
Then, after creating and uploading my son's birthday tribute to my social media page, it all hit me... "Did I get it RIGHT?" Did I get this single mother household and co-parenting thing right? Should I have made different choices to have different outcomes? As much as I tell my kids, at 18 - they are in control of their lives... I know the foundation I set for them has an impact on their future. So I was sad for a moment, while I reflected on whether I did the right thing. Although I made the BEST choice for me - should I have "taken one for the team" and made a different choice for them? After some time reflecting and speaking to a close friend who has been around since I was 17 years old, I began to have less doubt. I knew I had made the best choices for my sanity, and for my peace - so I had no issues with that. I also know that in order to properly love and take care of others, you must first properly love and take care of self. So, I know in the end, the road I have taken in life was the one meant to be taken. I also know that I have been the best Mom I could possibly be. I have never shorted my kids on anything. I have set a steady and stable foundation for them. I have always put their needs first. I have made some mistakes along the way and I have learned lessons on how to be a better person. My kids have given me a sense of belonging, a taste of true love, and invaluable life lessons. I will always cherish the bond we have and hope that God blesses us with many more years to love each other, on earth.
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![]() Time and time again, I see people posting memes and videos of what a good man/woman is. I have even seen some posts that says "You don't have to tell a real man..., because a real man will..." When I see those posts, I think, 'But isn't that precisely what you're trying to do?' You're trying to subliminally convince your mate of how to be a good/real man. Usually, these same people who are making these posts and sharing this information, is wasting time on trying to coach up their mate. Since they know the definition of a good man and a real man, they should be able to easily identify if their mate or perspective mate fits the bill of what you identify as a real man. So, you mean to tell me - they waste all of this time (in which they will never get back) with men who are not real men? They have babies, and at times even share residences with these men who do not have the characteristics of a real man? And the same works for men who participate in this behavior. Why spend time trying to convince someone to be a good/real mate for you? When you can spend that same time dating or getting to know other people. I believe in spending my time and energy wisely. I refuse to waste my time and energy on people who don't deserve it. But, I guess there are those who like "coaching up" their mate and have that time to invest in him/her. Yet, when/if that person gets there - they usually don't want the person who waited on them. I've seen it happen time and time again. They usually want more for themselves. They want more in a mate. They have transformed and even their values of their mate and their perspectives on relationships change. So, my unsolicited advice is" IF HE (or SHE) DOESN'T FIT (your relationship goals), YOU MUST QUIT wasting your damn time." It's Monday again, so I am thinking of ways of making more money doing what I love, on my mind!
A few years ago, I decided to move into the field of education (higher education) to full-fill my desire to educate, enrich and empower adults on a daily basis. My prior career was in Corporate America, where my title was "Real Estate Closing & Title Manager", however the tasks I completed while in that role were very instrumental to my current career. I regularly trained staff, provided web training for the firm's clients, and created manuals and user guides for multiple positions at the firm. I had a natural talent for training and development. I found true joy in designing process workflows, documents, and forms with different software programs. I knew whatever I did in the future, would have to include design and development. So, I explored my options and found that the university I previously attended had a graduate certificate in Instructional Design & Technology. I decided to pursue that graduate certificate to gauge my level of interest in the program. I found that it was a match for my future career goals. So, I enrolled in the doctoral program once I completed the graduate certificate. I also pursued and obtained positions in the higher education field. So I am here now, in the career field where I can use my talents and enjoy doing my work that earns me money. When I hear others complain about their jobs or the lack of maintaining consistent employment, I always ask them "What do you like to do in life? and What are you naturally good at?" At times those two things are not one in the same. However, I think people would be happier at work and would stay employed longer if they pursued positions and careers based on either what they want to do OR what they are naturally good at with little effort. I know someone who is the best cleaner, organizer and decorator you could ever imagine - yet she will not pursue a career in either of these businesses. I see people with their own cleaning services, making money from being closet organizers and interior designers. And I think about how she could do the same instead of job hopping from company to company and she never seems to be happy. However, when I asked her had she ever thought of pursing a career in that field, she was offended. So, I left it alone. I have a former associate who could style on a budget. She was naturally talented at putting pieces of a wardrobe together to make fashionable outfits. However, she too did not want to pursue a career as a fashion designer or stylist. She actually told me that she wants the spotlight to be on her. She wanted to be the model not style someone else to be the model. Needless to say, she is not doing either. Actually she is... NEVERMIND. The point of this post is to say people can be naturally good at something yet not want to pursue a career in that something. They whether stay at jobs they hate or not work at all- then complain about it. It puzzles me. But, I guess that's why we see the world differently. ![]() I have always been adamant that you do not always have to forget in order to forgive. I can forgive people for wrongdoings, or I can forget them (the person) totally for their wrongdoings. I do not agree with the concept that you MUST forgive and forget in order to heal. Heal for who? You or the perpetrator? Yet, people tell me time and time again - I must do both to truly let go... So, let me get this right - you can tell me how I feel? (But that's another story - back to the topic at hand). I recently saw a clip of Steve Harvey's show where the guests were speaking on their ability to forgive after being done wrong. One of the guests made the most profound statements. She stated "I can forgive you for having an accident in my car. But, it doesn't mean I have to trust you with my keys again." This is truly how I feel when I forgive people for wrongdoings. I can truly forgive you for doing me wrong and we can move past it. That does not mean I have to give you the same amount of trust again. With me, I either forgive you and we both move forward or I erase (forget) you. I can be in a room with a person that I was once closely associated with and not say one word to them. Some people think that's harsh, I feel as though I have moved on. There is no need to keep revisiting the same people or similar situations with those people. There is no need for me to fake a smile or force a cordial conversation. I just do not believe in putting my energy into that. The bottom line is: WITH ME, there are some wrongdoings I can forgive and move forward and others I chose to eliminate the person from my life, all together. I am not "holding on" to anything. I completely let go. And I am fine when people choose to do the same to me. If I do something to a person and they must let me go to move forward peacefully in their life, I am fine with that. In my unsolicited opinion, if more people let go instead of trying to rebuild, they will be less stressed, less disappointed (again) and can spend that time and energy elsewhere. One of the realest things my Mom ever said to me was "Two grown ass women can't live in the same house". I was 16 years old at the time and not much longer after that I moved out and never looked back. Let's face it, the statement is true in every way.
When you are an adult living with your parents - someone still has to be the child. That child will always be you. When you live with your parents, you have to follow the house rules or stand the chance of being put out. Even in the case where you split the bills evenly, you still must show a level of respect to your parents in their home. If you and your parents decide to rent/buy a house together (yeah that happens), you are still the child. There are just things you do not do while living with your parents. You better stay in a child's place. I decided early on this was not the lifestyle for me. Ironically, my Mom and siblings lived in my home, off and on for several years. My Mom understood this was my home and my rules. My ex and I paid the bills and I usually did not charge her any living expenses. The few times I did ask for help on the utilities, were failed attempts. I only required that she provide food for my siblings, which also was not consistent. I had kids of my own and now siblings to help raise - this grown ass woman had to begin "adulting" very early in life. When my ex and I split, there was no more options for my Mom and siblings to come stay with me. By that time, my siblings were headed into adulthood and they were about to get a "taste of reality". I was now the sole provider for my household and I couldn't fail in life. There was no "parent's house" for me to return to if I didn't get it right. If I struggled financially, I knew it couldn't be for long - so I have always had supplemental income, just in case. Now, I have an adult daughter who I have shared that quote with before: "Two grown ass women can't live in the same house". I let her know she can stay at home while she is enrolled in school, but she has to follow the house rules. She would still have a curfew and if she could not make it home in time, she would have to find somewhere else to stay for the night. Also, just because she is an adult, doesn't mean she can have company over to my house. If she decided to quit school, she would need to find a job and a place to stay within 6 months. Definitely, no longer than a year. NO ADULT will sit at my house everyday while I go to work. She didn't like any of those rules so she moved out and has stayed gone for over 2 years now. The rules are the same for my sons. However, the phrase for my sons is a bit different "I do not take care of adult men. Never have and never will. There's a verse in the bible that says, a man that does not work, shall not eat. And I believe in that!". I know things happen in life and at times, people may need to stay with their parents to get back on their feet. I am open to that, if any of my children need me. Yet, my rules still apply. And under my roof, they will forever be children. Now, they are just adult/grown ass children. |
AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
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