This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
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We often hear of kids who have daddy issues. Those issues can stem from their fathers being absent part of OR all of their life. Some kids don’t even know who their fathers are. Then those kids grow up to be adults. Those adults very often experience long term trauma behind those issues. Yet the unspoken parental trauma (which is sometimes ignored) are the issues that are caused by mothers. All women who bear children do not have the skills to be proper mothers. There are some mothers that are just as neglectful as an absent father. There are also mothers who have abandoned their kids by allowing their parents to raise them or allowing the kids to raise themselves. But for some reason, in our community, this type of trauma is either ignored or not spoken of. Mama issues can be just as traumatic as his daddy issues.
Mothers who allow their children to be assaulted by their partners, family members and or friends are more awful than an any absent parent. Mothers who instruct their children not to report the assault. Mothers who teach their children to not discuss the assault with others in the family or at school are doing just as much damage to the child as the assailants. Some mothers are more concerned with their child telling others than they are of the assault and the long-term damage that will impact their child for life. The mothers who abandon their children are the ones who later expect those same children to accept them or help them. They act as though the years they spent away from those kids are supposed to just be forgiven. They often want to move on from that point forward. They don’t want to deal with the fact that they left the child. And when they do – it’s often someone else’s fault. They rarely take ownership of their choices that led up to the decision to leave the child. Now, as an adult, the child must forgive and move on. Just recently, I had a conversation with a young man in his mid-twenties who has “mama issues”. He has reconnected with his biological mother, but the relationship is not what he always dreamed it would be. Instead, she blames his grandmother for “taking him” and providing a better more stable life for him. She verbally attacks his grandmother (the mother he’s had his whole life) and he feels a way about it. Yet, he holds his tongue to show respect for his bio mom. He says she’s owed that respect because she birth him. I told him she’s not owed any more respect than what she gives. He should end any conversation with her when she’s being disrespectful. He also spoke about how when he has distanced himself from her, she falls victim, and her family members blame him for not connecting with her more. I asked what did he expect from the same family members who have pardoned and enabled her behavior all of these years? Now, he must make a decision to do what’s best for him. The trauma of it all is weighing heavy on him. He can start by not expecting his bio-mother to be that mother he always imagined she would be. Cause she just won’t ever be her, the mother he longed for.
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AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
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