This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
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Karma; Reap what you Sow; Payback
Which ever you call it...If you live long enough, things have a way of coming full circle. I try my best to avoid negative, messy, sneaky and/or manipulative people. Some people thrive off of those characteristics. They even BRAG about it! It never seems to work out in the end, though. God has a way of redirecting those that spend to much time on being negative, messy, sneaky and/or manipulative. It seems like something is always happening to them but they just can not figure out why. Then they change for a few days and expect an overflow of blessings. GTFOH! God doesn't bless a mess...even when you try to add his name to it. That includes these messy, fraudulent marriages, but I will save that for another day/post.
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Family - The definition of family use to be so simple when I was young. You had a husband, a wife, kids and maybe a family pet, in the immediate family. Extended family included the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. The older I got, my family became those who I surrounded myself with. My blood relatives are indeed my blood relatives. But my family are those who I trust, the ones that I talk to and the people that know who I am. Because we socialize, talk to one another and are connected with each other. We support each other, praise each other, confide in one another AND keep in real (even when real hurts). We speak directly to each other, we resolve issues and we celebrate victories.
My family consists of more people that are NOT my blood relatives - than it does of those that are. ![]() I think one of the biggest problems in (some) relationships is when one or both of the mates compare their relationship to other couple's relationships. What works for them, may not work for YOU! I see statuses and references to other couples with the hashtag #relationshipgoals. Hell, NO couple's relationship is my goal. Not Bey and Jay; not Kim and Ye, not Will and Jada, not Michelle and Barack and definitely not Ike and Tina. My point is, I know what I want and need as a person. It took me a while to truly understand that. I had to first discover who I was and what I am willing to put into a relationship. I am not about compromising myself or trying to CONVINCE my mate to compromise for me. I am not about, changing someone to be the mate I want or need them to be. I don't hide who I am and I acknowledge my flaws and my "works in progress". Here's my unsolicited advice: Get to know you first. Your needs, your wants and what you are willing to put into a relationship. Stop conforming to every mate you meet - just to make it work. The first sign of "the same ole' shit" - RUN! You really do have options. They may be limited, but it should be that way. Everyone is NOT meant to be your lifelong mate. Every mate is not your husband/wife. The image in this post is from: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/habits-of-happy-couples All too often we get comfortable in our relationships. We gain joint responsibilities while still taking care of our individual needs. Some of us have kids, parents, other family members and/or friends that we maintain close relationships with. This requires balancing your time and commitment to all parties. At times our mate is left to sacrifice our time and commitment AND required to be understanding.
Don't forget to "keep it going" in your relationship. Keep doing things you did in the beginning of the relationship. Make sure you have at least 1 date night per week or monthly (if your time is limited). As much as you need some "you time", your relationships requires some "we time" as well. Outside of your kids, family, friends, work, etc. In my opinion Your mate should be in the top 3 of your priority list. For example my human priority list sits like this: 1. Self, 2. Kids, and 3. Mate... EVERYONE else is down the line somewhere. Once my kids are grown, numbers 2 and 3 will flip on my human priority list. How does your human priority list stack up? Soooo.... there are people willing to cheat with a man or a woman as long as their spouse or significant other doesn't know of the cheating. They will spend time, be intimate, give and accept money from this person. They may even tell their friends and family about the person and even bring them around. It's their little "unkept secret." They are sharing the "D" and have no complaints as long as they are satisfied.
But people are less willing to enter this situation if the spouse or significant other is already aware. I have a motto. If you share the "D", share the bills. If you're a female sharing his time and his "D", you may as well link up and save some money. Males you aren't excluded. If you're a male and you are sharing the "poo nanny", you may as well link up and save some money. Disclaimer: Everybody wear protection! It's 2017 and it still amazes people when a person cheats on their spouse or significant other.... "Oh no, not them... they were my favorite couple"; "They look so perfect" - Those are often the statements you hear from those that still believe. You will hear "I knew he wasn't shit"; Or "Once a cheater, always a cheater" or "She only wanted him for his money" from the negative naysayers.
What amazes me is how many people have been a side piece themselves yet cast stones at others. What also amazes me is that people don't think their mom or dad was ever a side piece. I guess their spouse or significant other has never cheated (once). Remember: "Once a cheater, always a cheater". What doesn't amaze me is that men and women still choose to be a side piece. Not having to deal with the headache of a relationship. Having the freedom to do as they like and not having to answer to some one all the time. There are benefits to that title. Then there is this category of cheating spouses. When the spouse keeps/needs a side piece to keep their marriage in tact. Hell, sometimes, they both have one! There is this weird misconception that co-parenting can not work.
There is this weird misconception that if parents still get along after their relationship ends, then one or the other has to have feelings for the other person. Those misconceptions may be true at times - but NOT always. For example, my kids father and I learned how to communicate better as co-parents. Much better than we did when we lived under the same roof. I was able to see and appreciate just how much his time and commitment to his children helped with the parenting process. Let's face it - All fathers that live in the household are not Present! Thank God, that wasn't my case. Now, on the flip side.... There is this misconception that in order for a parent to take care of his child, he/she must help financially support the other parent. There is this misconception that if the parents are not together, then one can not grow (spiritually, financially, or as a person) without helping the other parent. Listen, when the relationship ends, all of the benefits and perks of being in the relationship (as a mate) ends. Your child(ren)'s other parent is not responsible for your happiness nor your finances (outside of appropriate support for their child(ren). I know life happens and we all may need someone to "lean on"... Don't let the other parent be that someone. He/She is not to blame. If he/she is fortunate to assist AND they choose to do so - Great! But, don't let that be your only "back up plan". Don't hold that person responsible for your happiness or finances. ![]() When you know your role, then play your damn position! Playing the right position is important for any team to be successful. When you choose to become a part of a "roster", then play your role. When you sign up for side piece duties but try to fill the role of the main dish, it usually doesn't turn out great for any party involved. Being a side piece is usually a choice. I know some are tricked/fooled/bamboozled - but not to often. So to all side pieces (male and female) play your position, unless the leading role is open or offered to you. Side note: Not all side pieces want to be the main squeeze. But, that's another topic for another day. So many people get upset when they can't have more out of a relationship, YET they have never received what they were looking for in that relationship, from the beginning until now.
Some people (in bad relationships) hold on to "situationships" way to long. They like to say things like: "We made it X number of years!", "It's US against Everybody", "He is my HUUUSBAND", "She really is a good person, when you get to know her", or "He/she has soooo much potential, if he/she would just..." These statements come with years of unhappiness. If you choose to sit around and wait on another person to give you what you deserve or to get themselves together to be better for you; then just remember that's the shit you chose to sit in. Disclaimer: If you're happy and you know it. You are not Some people (in bad relationships). f had a manager once that had a certificate from attending a junior college hanging on his wall in his office. He always made negative comments about people that attended higher education institutions to obtain a college degree. He often suggested that a "degree" doesn't make one any smarter or wiser. Heck, he had made it to the top of the firm as a the operations manager with just a paralegal certificate. I was one of the department managers on the operating team at the time. The only one that was attending college to complete my MBA. The only black female and the only one under 30 years old. I know he made these statements to elicit a response, but I would not give him one.
With all the shade he aimed at me during meetings and company functions, you would think he would express his same opinion at all times. Yet, he lied to our firm's clients when we attended conferences about the degrees he had obtained. His current LinkedIn account shows he completed a bachelor degree in less than two academic years at a local university. (This university does not have a fast track program of that sort). All I would do is smile when I would see how hard he tried to persuade others at the firm not to obtain a degree in higher education - yet, he was trying so hard to convince the masses that he had already obtained one. Moral to the story: Even the naysayers want to do what you do. Sometimes they don't know how (or simply can't) - so they try to condemn you. Keep moving forward. |
AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
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