This Site is Dedicated to My Random Thoughts and Opinion
Reader Be Warned: My Opinion is NOT the "norm"
|
|
"But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?"
- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Better yet, why do (some) mothers teach their daughters that their husbands are to be providers and protectors; but, expect their sons to not be that to their wives? Why would your son's wife be less deserving than your daughter as a wife or even yourself? These are questions I asked an older lady just the other day as she was admitting to not liking her daughter-in-law. She was never pleased with her since the day she met her. She couldn't explain why. She stated "It's just something about her". I asked was her son happy in the relationship and she stated "Yes, he loves her and they have done well for themselves. He has done so much better with her than he did with his ex, but it's just something about her". She went on to say that her son does to much for his wife. Her son's life revolves around his wife and his children and he hardly has time for her (the mom) anymore. His regular visits have not been as frequent but he stills call to check on her and he still helps her with small bills at her house. The mom is married and stated that her husband is nothing like her son. He doesn't put the mom first. She is second to his family and friends... oh and her daughter's husband is the same way. (It sounds like a bit of jealousy and resentment to me, but carry on). Although she desired the treatment that her son gave to his wife, in her own marriage - she did not think her daughter-in-law was deserving. After talking for a few more minutes she still could not explain why the daughter-in-law was undeserving other than she personally did not think the woman deserved this treatment. I have adult children now and all I could think was: "Lord, don't ever let me think like this woman." Yet, I am not one to get into my children's relationship matters. I don't share my unsolicited opinion with my sons or my daughter or their partners. And as a daughter and daughter-in-law, I do not accept unsolicited opinions about my relationship with my husband. We are in this marriage together. I DO NOT desire my marriage to mimic that of those before me. Hell, some people are still in denial of the success (or lack thereof) of their marriage. I do not see any couple as relationship goals. We set our own relationship goals and we knock them out the park!
0 Comments
Is imitation really the sincerest form of flattery? I think some people take imitation way to far. They try to live their lives like other people. Yet, they are not capable to do so. People are willing to go broke, not pay bills and continuously move their family around - just to keep up with others. Imitation can lead to a disastrous lifestyle, yet there are those willing to stake it all just to imitate other people.
That is the DUMBEST shit ever! I posted about self-love yesterday. Self-love does not come with imitating others. Some people can't even post an original thought without using "punch lines" and words of others to form their own statements. Are you that damn unoriginal? Must you always say and do as others do? Do you know who you truly are? I am sure it is not for me to understand, because I have never set out to do something in life in an effort to imitate another person. The best love I have ever experienced from a human being is SELF-LOVE. Once you get to know yourself (likes, dislikes; wants vs. needs; desires) and truly appreciate who you are, you will love yourself more than ANY human being can ever love you. Once you love your self, you will not tolerate people or things who/that cause you pain, discomfort or harm. Self-love helps you to eliminate "self-pity" and self-hate. When you love yourself, you will NOT allow negative energy into your space.
I found self-love through a spiritual cleansing. During that time, I did not allow anything harmful inside of my body and my mind. I decided to immediately change negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I focused on what I could do, instead of what I could not do. I reflected on things I had accomplished, whether than the things I did not accomplish. I decided what things I did not like about myself that I wanted to change and I took action to change. I also accepted those things about myself that I was unwilling or unable to change. I went through this process alone. I did not ask/challenge others to take on this experience with me. In the beginning, it was very challenging but as time went on, the process became easier. I did not stop and start over, because let's face it, you will never complete anything by doing that. If I failed one day at something, I did not throw out the entire day, I focused on those things I did accomplish and I would add one more day. What started as a 10 day fast, ended up being a spiritual cleansing that lasted 13 months. My goals changed throughout the process and I allowed some things back into my life. Only those things that did not bring negative energy. Once I came out on the "other side", I was filled with so much self-love, that people wondered WHO was in my life to make me happy. I would happily answer "ME! I truly love me". After that, it was much easier to ensure that I only kept people around me (in my personal circle) who love me. I do not have time to be guessing and figuring things out with family nor friends, if I have to question your love for me - I will happily dismiss you from my life without hesitation. I LOVE ME waaaay to much!!!! Dictionary.com defines empowerment as:
em·pow·er·ment əmˈpouərmənt/ noun
When is the last time you empowered someone? It is easy to give guidance, unsolicited opinions, and even easier to pass judgment on others but when is the last time you empowered someone to become stronger or more confident in their ability to control their lives? As parents we can even tend to cast more doubt in our children than we do empowerment. At times I have witnessed people withholding information or putting up blocks to keep others from growing. They fear someone excelling beyond them, instead of being proud of the person for achieving something great. I personally am thrilled at the opportunity to educate, enrich and empower adults of all ages with knowledge. I accomplish this inside and outside of the classroom. I share my failures and triumphs as examples. I refer people to resources and jobs that I may have applied for myself. There is no competition with me. I want to see everyone around me succeed. I have a sense of achievement through others' victories. Try empowering someone today! There is a fine line between being jealous versus being protective. Some people confuse their mate's jealousy as being "over protective". Jealousy is an extreme level of being protective. When your mate is jealous, he/she usually has a form of control over you. This control can be physical control or mental control. These signs of jealousy and control usually appear early in a relationship. However, the mate receiving the treatment views it as love or "over protective". Be careful when your mate shows signs of control and/or jealousy. This level of protective can lead to physical and mental abuse, in the future. As my step sister once told me, "If a man tells you he will love you to dead, believe him".
What's the use of apologizing about your behavior without changing your behavior? Some people apologize to people they have wronged to make the other person "feel better". They have no intention to change the behavior in which they are apologizing for. In my (unsolicited) opinion, an apology without action is worse than no apology at all. Keep your apology if you have put no action forth in changing your behavior.
I was recently recommended to watch an episode of "Braxton Family Values" where a lot of crying, admitting of fault and apologizing happened among the family members. It's great to have a "break through" and the first step to fixing a problem is to admitting it. YET, if those who apologized do NOT change their behaviors going forward then all they have done is apologized. If they continue with the same action after the apology then the apology can't be accepted. I think instead of instantly accepting ones apology, you should be given a window of time to see whether true change takes place. I try to plan my life by making short term, intermediate and long term goals. Then I develop a plan to achieve those goals. But, not everything goes as planned. There is only so much that is in our control, even for those of us who like to control all aspects of our life.
Last October, I planned for 2018 to be the year that I accomplish some major goals. In particular, I planned to be complete with my dissertation and to have my doctorate degree conferred. Well, in late October 2017, I tossed out of of my research and writing I had completed and proposed to complete an entirely new research study. So back to the "drawing board". The new study was more aligned with my position, at that time. I planned to remain in that position (which I started August 2017) for at least three years before I search for another position, although the hiring manager stated (during the offer) she knew I would leave in a year. She was adamant that I was way to advanced for the position in which I applied and I accepted, but she wanted me on her team anyway. She wanted someone STRONG who would help give the team the boost they needed. Clearly, she had plans for me that I did not foresee. Well, she was correct, I stayed in that position for 1 year and transitioned into a new position August 2018. Last October, I did not plan to change positions so fast, but the change was very much needed. I also did not plan to be married this year. BUT, I am married...and I am glad I married the man who best fits me. I married my best friend, my confidant, my protector and my biggest supporter. I did not plan a wedding ceremony, because I wanted to keep our vow exchange very intimate and private. And that it was! 4/4/18 The point of it all: In life, not everything will go as planned and not all GREAT things have to be planned. |
AuthorThe author of this blog decided to take her "abnormal" thoughts and opinions to the web. This will begin as a 30 day trial. Let's see where it goes. Archives
January 2024
Categories
All
|